After 8, 5 years in London I am returning to my mother country, not sure for how long it could be 2 weeks, 2 months or forever I don't know.
When I boarded that plane for London in 2005 I felt I had something to prove, to myself, my old teachers, my parents and there was no turning back. I don't feel like that anymore and therefore I am looking forward to see what might or might not happen. I need to be inspired and challenged and right now London can't fulfil my needs so I am packing a bag and going to Stockholm.
It is scary and for the first time in a very long time I do not have everything figured out and that is both exciting and terrifying at the same time. I am a worrier and a bit of a drama queen, have been all my life but with the help of meditation and mindfulness I am trying to live more in the now. So when I am visualising all of these different crazy scenarios of what might happen when I leave, I try to remind myself that I need to calm the fuck down and relax. I can only control what is happening right now and right now I need a change.
On my arrival in Stockholm I will be greeted by family, I will live with my beautiful Henrik and I will spend quality time with dear friends I normally see once a year or less but I am also leaving my best friend behind and that is something I am trying not to think about too much. It is also one of the reasons why I am leaving because you can never change someone else you can only change yourself.
I don't want to look back on my life when I am old and regret that I let fear hold me back. So what advice would my 91 year old self give the 31 year old me?
- Be kinder to yourself.
- Don't always care about the potential consequences.
- Don't care too much about what you think other people think of you.
- Sing more.
At Gothenburg airport with my dad leaving for London in August 2005.